Firstly, i would love to say thank you for this opportunity, an opportunity to value myself and all I do.

As an invalid beneficiary and a child sex abuse thriver, I have had to overcome many adversities including not being seen or valued for the unpaid work I do. Despite my many health issues stemming from multiple auto immunes including chronic, degenerative arthritis and severe PTSD, I still manage to give my time and lend my ear to those in need. 

I am a determined fighter for womens rights and equality most recently setting up a page to give women a safe space in Aotearoa to talk about their abuse in what ever form they have experienced it. 

During lockdown I sent money to Bali, to The Philippines as well as sending money to kids can, local food banks and buying coffees online at the hospital cafe for the essential workers.

After lockdown, I shared food from my garden with those in need, donated clothes to the womens Refuge as well as putting a call out to friends to do the same. The refuge told me they were in dire need of young mens clothes, smellies and hair products so i went out and brought these with my car insurance refund.

For Daffodil Day, I picked daffodils from my garden and gifted them to my Auntie, a cancer survivor from years a go. She was so humbled that someone remembered.  I also put a hundred dollars into my teen sons' friend from primary school mothers account as that family has had to battle cancer for years Their youngest, Millie, got it and it has been hard in all areas of their lives. I hardly know them at all but upon reaching out, she was extremely grateful.

Then through Safe Space NZ, I meet a young woman who is right along beside me to fight the atrocities that women face. We have even faced a defamation case by a tattoo artist who is a convicted sex offender when we posted his new victims stories online. The case was dropped. Again, I hardly know this woman, we have never met but i appreciate what she does on top of caring for her dying mother in her final days of fighting cancer. I know she struggles with money but she won't give me bank details so i gifted her a $100 voucher from a restaurant she works at. I found a way to help as little as that is.

This money I gift is from my fight from an ACC sensitive claim. The fight nearly took my life in 2018 as I became suicidal but I won and with the bigger payout, I shouted a friend to come with me to a Womens Retreat in Bali. It was life changing and took up most of the payout.

Yet still I have to deal with my health. Some days I struggle to breath, to walk or talk. Sometimes I can not even see probably. Even clothes hurt my body, it is hard to find the right thing to wear and shopping and trying on clothes is exhausting. It literally hurts and takes it out of me.

Last year in October, I went to see a Qi Gong healer, I will try everything to get my health back. This healer sexually abused me while I was at my most vulnerable. I only recently went to the police about it, weeks a go, as he is a family friend and is held in high regard in the cities community. The process has been harrowing.

I am strong yet I still drop down into the abyss some days.

However, I live, truly live. I love my life but this world we live in tries to make me feel worthless because I dont have a paying job.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and in considering me. Aroha mai, sorry it is so long.

Nga mihi.

- Tania Murtagh

17th Sept 2020